Guest Post: Values, Media, and Kids - A Balancing Act

I became a parent two years ago. One thing I greatly desire is to teach my children moral values and character. I want them to learn those from my wife and myself more than from society. Society undoubtedly will have a great influence. When society does influence my children, I want my children to think and not just adopt what society says. Many things will have an influence such as the television programs they watch, the movies they see, the games they play and the books they read. My hope is that when my children are influenced by such things that they will recognize the influence, think about what they are being taught and decide if they agree.

To teach them to do this, first I need to do it. I need to consider what is this teaching my child? I need to ask myself if I agree. When my children are older, I need to ask them these questions.

My oldest child is 2 years old. I read to her every day. I’ve been asking myself what values are these books teaching, if anything. I don’t think “Mr. Brown Can Moo” teaches much in the way of values, but other books do. If a book I read does teach a value, I ask myself, “Do I agree with the value?"

I want to give some examples from books I read to my child. She may be too young to understand the lessons, but I want to be ready when she is older for I suspect that she will read some of these books on her own someday.

First, I have an example of a book that teaches a value that I don’t like. One of my daughter’s current favorite books is “More Spaghetti I Say!” by Rita Golden Gelman and illustrated by Mort Gerber. It is a very silly story of two monkeys. My daughter likes the book mostly because it has pictures of the monkeys. She especially likes the picture of them jumping on the bed. In the story, Freddy, the monkey, comes to play with his friend Minnie, the monkey. Minnie, however, does not wish to play. She is too busy eating her favorite food spaghetti. Even after finishing her spaghetti, she does not want to play because she wants more. She cannot get enough spaghetti. After much pleading, Freddy gets very frustrated and he throws her spaghetti. After that, Minnie feels sick and rests. Freddy takes the spaghetti away, but tastes it first. The book ends with him refusing to play now because he’s eating spaghetti. What lesson does this teach? It is a silly book with no real intended meaning, but I think it unintentionally teaches that a food addiction is more important than playing. Minnie does not need the food for survival. She is eating it because she is addicted to it. She can’t get enough of it. She loves it more than her friend. Freddy tries to intervene, which is good, but then finds he loves the spaghetti and refuses to play. I want my kids to learn the value of play and exercise. I run with my daughter while pushing her in her stroller. For a few years I rode my bicycle to work. As a family, we walk to the grocery store. We do this because I value being active and I want my kids to value it. I also want my kids to eat healthy. I do not want them to become obese because they eat too much and I certainly don’t want them to develop a food addiction. This book, albeit unintentionally, teaches the opposite values that I want my children to learn. This doesn’t mean that I won’t allow my daughter to read this book. I do want her to read it. It has simple words and will help her learn to read which is the intention of the book.

Next, I have an example of good values being taught from the beloved Dr. Seuss. In his well-known story “The Sneetches,” Dr. Seuss teaches that those who are different from you should be treated the same as those who are similar to you. This is a wonderful value. It is a value I want my children to learn and practice always. Dr. Seuss presents the value in a wonderful, silly, humorous way. He does it with his trademark silly rhymes and rhythm. In his story there are star belly Sneetches and plain belly Sneetches. The star belly Sneetches think they are superior because their bellies have stars. They are prideful and exclude the plain belly Sneetches from all their activities. Along comes the sly Sylvester McMonkey McBean who takes advantage of the prejudice and extorts money from the gullible Sneetches by first adding stars to those without and then removing stars from those with stars at the first. The adding and removing of stars continues all day until the Sneetches run out of money and can’t remember which Sneetch had stars at the first and which did not. Dr. Seuss concludes his masterful tale with the Sneetches learning that Sneetches are Sneetches and it doesn’t matter whether a Sneetch has a star or not. Beautiful! It is an obvious lesson for adults. For kids it may be just a silly story, but if adults will engage the kids in a discussion about the book, it would teach a valuable lesson to kids. Developmentally, my children will first make decisions based on reward and punishment. They will initially adopt our family values. However, as they develop, they will internalize some values and reject others. I want them to think about the values they choose. I hope and pray they will choose good values. My goal as a parent is to start this thinking early and also to model it for my children.

I’m certainly not the perfect parent and I’m still learning. Currently I’m trying to figure out potty training and how to get my daughter to eat her vegetables. I do know that the first thing I must do as a parent is be a good role model for my children. My daughter is only 2 years old, but she already reminds us to pray because my wife and I model praying. We pray when I leave for work. We pray before meals. We pray for our children before they go to bed. My daughter witnesses this and now bows her head and closes her eyes when we pray. If we forget to pray before a meal, she will remind us.

My daughter also “reads” books. She can’t read the words, but she can look at the pictures and recite some of the words she remembers from the page. She does this because we read to her. We read to her every night before bed. She now asks us to read to her during the day as well. She expects the story before bed. When my daughters are older and are able to answer questions, I want to ask questions to get them to think. For example, I would ask them, “Does Minnie want play?” “How does Freddy feel?” “Why doesn’t she play after she has finished her first bowl of spaghetti?” “Is it good that she doesn’t want to play?” I would also ask questions about the “Sneetches” such as “Why can’t the plain belly Sneetches play ball?” “Is this fair?” “How would you feel if you were not allowed to play?” I know, at first, I may need to answer the question for them or guide them to an answer. The point is not whether they can answer or not. The point is to model thinking about the book and the values it teaches. My hope is by the time they are teenagers, they will begin to think about all the things that influence their values and character.

This passion to teach children good values through book is why I wrote my “Oregon Kids” series. I wanted books that teach good values like Dr. Seuss’s “The Sneetches” and I want to encourage parents not only to read books to their children but also engage them in conversation about the book and the values taught.

I want to do the same thing with movies, TV shows, and even games. I want to ask them about the values that are being taught. For example, “The Game of Life”, teaches a value. I was playing this with my nieces and I realized the point of the game was to have the most money at the end of life. No! This is not the value I want my children to learn. I want them to learn that at the end of life they need good character and most importantly they need grace. I want them going through life giving to others, loving others, and helping others. This is why I invented a game similar to “The Game of Life.” I played that game with my nieces and nephews. When my daughters are older, we will play my game too. We will also play games like “The Game of Life” and my personal favorite, “Monopoly,” even though they teach values like greed. We will discuss the values of the games just as we do with books.

Parents, and others who guide children’s development, please be good role models for them; please actively engage them in conversations about the influences in their lives. Do things with children. Watch movies together. Watch TV together. Play games together. Read to kids. Do these things, but don’t do it passively; engage in meaningful conversation. If you do, your kids will think and have a better chance of internalizing good values.

BOB RICHLEY is a parent and has volunteered for years in children’s ministry. Teaching children good values and the grace of God are his passions. These stories, originally written for a single mom to help her raise her children, are a way to fulfill this passion and help children learn good values. Bob has always loved children and wants all children to be raised with love and grace. It his hope that his stories will be one of many tools parents will use to teach and raise their children with godly values.